After the roller coaster of the last few days I woke up this morning thinking that I really didn't want to go to work. Since I've got the vacation time I went ahead and took the day off and so far I'm glad that I did.
At this point in the game, my role as the husband of a pregnant wife is pretty easy. While it is easy for me to joke about watching my wife being violated by a ultrasound wand, at the end of the day it is of course my wife as opposed to me who has to endure that particular humiliation. My hormones stay relatively constant. The frequency at which I urinate should remain unchanged. My belly should not enlarge.
My point is that for as dramatic as I may make my plight out to be, I know it is Clara who at this point will be doing the heavy lifting. Perhaps it is this my very extraneousness that causes the overt self-reflexion. Since my body isn't hard at work incubating life, my mind is free to obsess about what that future life will be and how I can provide for it. I have the luxury of being self-reflexive of my own self-reflexiveness.
And at least for today I am free to do that all day wearing only my underpants. I'm still not totally sure what I want to be when I grow up and while I always thought i'd have that figured out by the time I became a father, I suppose one goes to war with the army they have, not the army they want.
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