we did it...

...and by "it" I mean we finished watching all five seasons of "The Wire". I'm sure some day soon we will ask ourselves how we were able to find the time to make it through nearly 60 hours of episodes in only a few months, but in this curious stretch of time before everything changes we did just that. As for our child she's still staying put and appears to be in no particular hurry. She was kind enough to wait until after my deadline at the office and then she graciously let us finish our TV show. At this point, however, I'm not quite sure what the excuse is. Whether or not she knows it, she has an eviction date. As she will soon be a week past her due date the doctor suggested scheduling an induction for November 3. If she ends up coming earlier, all the better.

If she ends up being a boy, I think we will call him Omar.

there's an ap for that

According to my iPhone tomorrow is the big day. I am well aware of the fact that babies often choose to ignore their scheduled due dates and so I'm not holding my breath that tomorrow will be particularly memorable. Still, it does provide a good opportunity to take a moment, step back and reflect on the past nine months. Then again, stepping back and reflecting is pretty much the only thing that I've been doing on this blog.

I remember sitting in front of the computer I'm typing at now when I heard my wife's footsteps coming down the hall with the news that she thought she was pregnant. I remember when the countdown timer still read 200 days. I remember feeling the first flutters of movements emanating from within my wife's belly. I remember watching that belly develop into a cute little bump. I remember that bump growing into something more significant. I remember the digits counting down from three to two to one.

If all goes according to plan there will be many more significant memories to be made in the days ahead. It was the fear that the luminosity of those events would eclipse those of the past nine moths that originally motivated me to start this blog. As that original goal has now been accomplished I suppose I could retire this site or continue it until a time when my daughter would be mortifyingly embarrassed by its content. Of course It may already be too late for that.

At any rate, it's been quite a ride so far. And I hear this is only been the beginning.

separated before birth

Clara reads this blog from time to time to make sure (among other things) that I do not become too publicly explicit about the condition of her cervix. She approved of the last posting, noting that the image of her belly bore a striking resemblance to Frank Lloyd Wright's Guggenheim Museum in New York.

And just in case you were wondering about the condition of my wife's cervix, it is now dilated 2 cm and the doctor said she is "eligible for induction". I suppose I should give Cooperstown a call on Monday and see about getting the paperwork started.

five days

So my wife's last day of work was last Friday and she's been able to take it easy during the day so as to compensate for the increasingly less-than-fulfilling sleep she is getting at night. Not working has also allowed her to run some last minute errands which have in turn afforded her the opportunity to interact with some people she otherwise would not have. Excerpts of a couple of the more memorable conversations are listed below:

DELIVERY MAN: (handing over package) You're pregnant.

CLARA: (taking package) Yes, I noticed that. Thanks.

FELLOW SHOPPER: (pointing to CLARA's belly) I see you're having boys.

CLARA: No, actually I'm having a girl.

FELLOW SHOPPER: Really? Just one?

CLARA: Yes. Thanks.

FELLOW SHOPPER: Are you sure?

CLARA: Yes.

As the last few days of the first part of this adventure come to a close I find I am becoming nostalgic in real time. While it's not all that uncommon for me to become sentimental for events that occurred years ago, it is rare that I feel the same way about things that are still going on. I guess it's because on some level I realize that where Clara and I are right now is incredibly unique. Even if a second kid comes along we will never experience the same mix of anticipation, terror and wonder that we do right now. Perhaps, too, I realize that the days of our family just being the two of us are coming to an end. Obviously adding a third family member is something to be celebrated, and we realize the love Clara and I have for one another will grow to accommodate the little person squirming around inside my wife's belly.

I know this because of the interactions I've had with more experienced parents over the last nine months:

BRANTLEY: So Clara and I are expecting a baby girl.

EXPERIENCED PARENT: Oh, Brantley, your life is about to change...

BRANTLEY: I hear that happens.

EXPERIENCED PARENT: Nothing is ever going to be the same for you two...

BRANTLEY: That's what people tell me.

EXPERIENCED PARENT: I hope you're used to not sleeping...

BRANTLEY: You're starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable.

EXPERIENCED PARENT: Say goodbye to the concept of free time...

BRANTLEY: I think I should go now.

(the image below is not of my child)

Ms. Clara and I made a final trip up to Austin this past weekend to make one last pilgrimage to IKEA and to visit some friends who had just had a little boy of their own. They were kind enough to let Clara and I practice handling the child and I for one feel much more comfortable about the act of holding a child. Clara is still a little nervous about the act of passing a child through her pelvis, but hopefully she'll get over that as well.

While holding this small child I was able to experience that wonderful little reflex babies have were they squeeze a finger in their hands with all their might. I also was blessed to experience that wonderful sensation of having an infant fart audibly while cradled in my embrace. The rumbling I felt against my arm reminded me that while I may be able to support the head like a champ, plenty of mysteries still exist.

go metric

So the news from this week's fun-filled pelvic exam is that my wife's cervix is 50% effaced and 1 centimeter dilated. When I heard the news my blood pressure went up 150% and my heart sank 8 centimeters. Then I remembered from elementary school that 1 centimeter is less than half an inch and I calmed down significantly.

My understanding is that this does not mean birth is imminent, only that things are moving forward as one would expect. Still, the clock is ticking...

t-3 weeks

Clara's pregnancy has officially reached full-term. I was thinking we were going to celebrate with an elaborate costumed ball but Clara said she'd rather organize the nursery closet and then stretch out on the sofa and have me rub her feet. Maybe we can have the ball to celebrate the start of her labor.

We've purposely left October's schedule fairly open: there are no trips or bike rides or other major events on the horizon except, of course, for the birth of our first born. It is an odd sensation to go about one's business knowing such a major life-changing event is imminent without knowing exactly when that event will occur. We know if all goes as it should, we'll be nervously and perhaps awkwardly holding a little girl in our arms within a few short weeks. And yet, it's hard to imagine that other side and how, exactly we get there.

As I stand at the precipice of fatherhood I know I always thought I'd be in a different place when I became a father. I thought I'd be more established and wiser and would know better who I was and where I was going. Put another way, I always thought I'd be older than I feel. Then again, at 33 I'm no spring chicken and I don't know that being another five, ten or fifteen years older would see me feeling any different about the situation at hand. I suppose you go into the delivery room with the person you are and not the person you want to be. I suppose it was unrealistic to think that when you take your baby home you are automatically an omnipotent father from day one. I suppose the idea of an omnipotent father is a fairly bogus concept in the first place. I always knew that parenting would be a partnership with my wife, but I'm starting to think that fatherhood will be as much of a partnership with my baby girl as it will be with Clara. Perhaps that is for the best.

Either way, I'm partnered with two girls from here on out and as Clara has already observed, I will be outnumbered.