how to not kill your newborn

So having sat through the childbirth classes Clara and I graduated to the newborn care class. Whereas the previous lectures have been more about the intense and unbearable pain my wife will feel whilst experiencing the the miracle of birth, this class provided what seemed to be some useful tips once we get our currently honeydew-sized bundle of joy home. This is good information and I am grateful for it. I successfully changed my first diaper (see attached image) and in doing so only I dropped the creepy doll-child twice on the head. I think the creepy doll-child has my nose but Clara does not.

As helpful as the class was in some regards, I must say that I was a little disappointed that the subject matter stayed well within the rage of the general. As October 26th nears I become increasingly aware of how much I don't know. I am, however, really good at concocting horrendously perilous situations in which my unborn child could find herself once she ventures outside my wife's protective, ever-expanding womb. As a parent I feel I should know instantly what to do if my child my stops breathing, turns yellow or starts growing a tail. With less than 45 days to go I only really know what to do in one of those situations.

The class did go into some detail regarding the circumcision of the infant penis. This frank discussion made me grateful that I am having a daughter and that I thus have no infant penis to decide whether or not to circumcise. On the other hand, I couldn't help but think ahead several years to a day when my daughter will be old enough that I will need to begin to worry about all the penises of the world, circumcised or not.