what is he doing here?

I suppose one of the more universal experiences of parenthood is the changing of diapers. This act is somewhat unique in that there exists little precedent for it in one's life prior to parenthood. It is in this way a new experience with little embedded meaning. This coupled with the fact that it is an act conducted often and at varying states of consciousness (alert, tired, really tired, etc.) encourages some degree of mind-wandering philosophizing.

I for one often find myself wondering why infant diapers are printed with the images of cartoon characters and/or muppets? Don't get me wrong, I like Elmo as much as the next guy but my daughter has no clue who he is yet. Besides, I'm not sure my daughter could even lift her head high enough to see over her massive (and adorable) cheeks to see what was printed on her nappy. Even if she could, from that perspective the image of Elmo would be upside down and extremely foreshortened.

Since the only people who seem to be able to appreciate a diaper's decorations are the people charged with the changing of them, shouldn't the artwork be directed toward us? I might suggest a line if inspirational scripture ("Love is Patient" - 1 Corinthians 13) or perhaps a humorous parenting-related comic strip (I would personally prefer Calvin and Hobbes over the more saccharine The Family Circus).

Heck, maybe even reprints of mildly erotic World War II-era nose art might be fun though admittedly that would probably appeal to me more than Clara.

father abandons wife and child

I've been incredibly lucky in that I haven't had to participate in any significant business travel since our daughter was born back in November. I would like to say that this is due to my imposing negotiating skills ("look here, Mr. Boss Man, I need to be with my family and so there's no way I'm getting on that plane!") but in reality the reason is we're still in a severe economic downturn and there isn't much work for an office of architects.

Anyway, that streak came to an end this week when I had to get on a plane to Louisville to start work on a school project. While these trips are always exhausting (delayed flights, cramped coach seating, long meetings during the day, late nights and early early morning preparations for the next round of meetings), for the first time in four months I could count on a full night's sleep. This was, in a word, luxurious.

Clara, unfortunately did not have as good of a run. Our daughter developed another ear infection and was generally cranky and not terribly sleepy while I was up frolicking around Kentucky without a care in the world. Of course I certainly missed them and felt bad I wasn't there to help what I know wasn't a pleasant few days. Then again uninterrupted sleep is a pretty amazing thing.

At any rate it was good to come home, squish my daughter's cheeks and snuggle with my wife in bed fully cognizant of the fact that the snuggling would eventually be interrupted by the little person with the squishy cheeks in he next room.

good morning

For as long as I can remember I've been a morning person. I like to wake up early and when I do I'm generally excited by the prospect of the new day. This is in stark contrast to Clara who generally wakes up pissed.

Our daughter seems to be more like her dad in this respect. Our weekday routine is for me to wake up around 4:00 and attend to any issues that need attending (diaper change, pacifier replacement, etc.) before handing off responsibility when I leave for work just before 8:00. It is, I must admit, pretty wonderful for my daughter to smile when she first sees me in the morning. This is especially true since my wife is more likely to scowl and cuss under the same set of circumstances.

austin trip, redux

We made our second overnight trip to Austin this weekend and it went considerably better than the last. We didn't make nearly as many amateur mistakes (i.e. we remembered to pack diapers this time) and our daughter did much better in the car seat, in the restaurant and (most critically) in the hotel room. Next up is a planned trip to Fredericksburg in February. We're crossing our fingers that our little traveller continues to do as well as she has.

Speaking of February, that month will see the first anniversary of this blog which will also coincide with the first anniversary of Clara and I finding out "we" were "expecting". Obviously a lot has happened in that year as the great hypothetical proposition of a baby has become the curious reality of parenthood. I was told everything would change and of course in many ways it has. A family trip to Austin has become a noteworthy adventure, for example. Then again I don't know that Clara and I have changed all that much as people. Sure there is a new and crushing weight of responsibility forever on our backs, but surprisingly we seem to be taking it all in stride. Sure I have less "Brantley Time" than I did a year ago, but I'm also much more efficient about how I use the time I do have. The same can be said for the time Clara and I get to spend together.

And of course now there is this third little person in our lives whose newly arrived smile is as intoxicating as it is beautiful. For the time being that alone has been worth changing everything.

you! boob!

January has been a busy month. I have legitimately returned to work full time and my child has legitimately started work on becoming a little person with a discernible personality, moods, likes and dislikes. Like me, she seems to enjoy the mornings and can usually be counted upon to wake up smiling and in a good mood (this is in stark contrast to her mother who tends to wake up angry). Now that Mommy and Daddy have figured out how to safely cut her nails and so have removed her protective mittens she has discovered her hands and is currently obsessed with attempting to fit them fully into her mouth. She has also discovered the joy of slobbering.

Perhaps most critically for us she embraced smiling as a mans of emoting. While she still can be counted on to smile whilst soiling her diaper, she also consistently smiles because of something Clara or I did. This is a huge morale booster for us. It makes us feel like maybe we don't suck as much at this parenting thing as we originally thought.

She is also starting to play around with her voice and will sometimes seem to "talk back". I know this is just us projecting our linguistic predisposition onto her, but it's fun to do. She has the second person pronoun "you" down pretty well and has taken to looking at me straight in the eye and saying "You!"

"Yes", I say, "This is me." In doing so I may be glossing over some of the more relevant existential questions of what I mean by "is" when I state "this is me," but there will be time to discuss that later.

Anyway, I couldn't help but notice the other day that she looked at my wife and modified her declaration to be, "You! Boob!" Clara and I are still internally debating whether or not our daughter was expressing an observation (You! You're the one with boobs!), a request (You! I want a boob, now!) or an endearingly mild insult (You! You're a silly boob!).

Whatever her intent we think these utterances are precious and hope they continues so long as they remain relatively free of judgement. For example "You! Inadequate!" or "You! Disappointment!" would not be nearly so cute.

the wee hours of the morning

So most mornings I'll wake up around 4:00 when our daughter begins to fuss. She usually needs a diaper change and more often than not she will go back to sleep until around 7:00 by which time she's hungry and I need to get ready for work.

It is in the transition between her initial wakefulness and her return to slumber that I am faced with a challenging moral dilemma. After she is changed she will remain content if held on the shoulder. If I attempt to put her to bed too early she will wake up, cry, and the process will need to be restarted. But after changing the wet diaper into which she has emptied the contents of her bladder, I'm in need of emptying the contents of my own.

So if my child is more or less asleep with her eyes shut and her head resting on my shoulder, is it wrong that I sometimes use the bathroom myself?

When I asked my family this question over Christmas the overwhelming response was "Yes, it is both wrong and more than a little disgusting". In theory I agree but at four in the morning when the house is quiet and my child is asleep, I can't help but view my ability multitask in this way as a unique male adaptation and one to be fully exploited.

two weddings and a baby

When two separate sets of friends planned their weddings for the day after New Years, Clara and I knew it would be tricky to attend both. When we realized we’d also have a baby to contend with, we interpreted the situation as a dare and concocted schedule to accomplish this formidable task:

6:00am - wake up, prepare baby/self for public viewing

8:30am - put baby in car seat, drive to in-laws’ house

9:00am - leave baby at in-laws’ house, drive west to Kerrville

10:30am - arrive in Kerrville, attend wedding #1

12:00pm - party

1:00pm - conclude partying, drive east to San Antonio

2:30pm - retrieve baby from in-laws, drive north to Austin

4:00pm - arrive in Austin, attend wedding #2

5:30pm - party

9:30pm - conclude partying, check into local hotel

10:00pm - put baby/self to sleep

For the most part, we did a remarkable well in keeping to the schedule. The drive to Kerrville was a little shorter than expected but we were delayed in our departure to Austin by a baby who wanted a boob. We checked into our hotel room and it was then we realized our original schedule needed a few additions:

10:30pm – leave hotel, drive to store to purchase additional diapers

11:00pm – return to hotel, put baby/self to sleep

12:00am – soothe crying baby, put baby/self to sleep

1:30am – soothe crying baby, put baby/self to sleep

3:00am – soothe crying baby by walking around hotel courtyard

4:00am – look up ways of soothing crying baby on iPhone

4:30am – sit with baby in steamy bathroom with hot water running

The hotel we stayed in had a large enclosed courtyard and while it was fun to watch the antics of drunken revelers returning to their rooms, I would have much preferred to have been sleeping. But even as the hotel’s incredibly loud carpet pattern will haunt my dreams for some time, we were encouraged by our little traveler and look forward to taking her to new and exciting places.

In the meantime, Clara and I need to sleep in our own bed.