and then there was but a month

We've officially completed all the birthing/newborn/breastfeeding classes and attended all the baby showers that we know about. We are officially driving to see the doctor every week now. There wasn't much to report from the last appointment other than the head is down and the cervix is still closed for business.

My wife is now into her ninth month of pregnancy. She routinely gets her bladder elbowed and kicked from the inside. She hasn't slept particularly well since June and to top at all off, she still has to pass a watermelon-sized child through a hole that as near as I can tell is not properly sized for the task. As for me, I'm doing fine. I may be a little thicker around the middle and have more back hair than when this whole thing started, but I really don't think I can blame those changes on the baby.

And yet in the interest of full disclosure I feel I must reveal the incredibly selfish trepidations I do feel. You see, I love my wife a lot and I know we're incredibly lucky to have found one another. I also know we're incredibly lucky to be in a position to live the life that we do. All things considered, life is really good and we know it. Our relationship has moved forward in small and measured steps ever since we met in college to get us where we are today. Even when got married (after eight years of courtship) it seemed more like another incremental step than a momentous, life-changing event.

This baby, however, is another matter.

Of course there are the background worries of the health of Clara and the baby through the whole birthing process, but whenever I see our child's little foot pressed against my wife's tightly stretched stomach, I wonder how on earth I'm in any way prepared to take care of this new life. I wonder how Clara and I are supposed to maintain our relationship in a healthy and meaningful way. I wonder how I'm supposed to do all the things in life I want (or thought I wanted) to do now that there is this new, all-consuming responsibility before me. How can a few hours of classes be enough to tell me all I need to know about taking care of this little person? How am I in any way even made for this. Hell, my nipples don't even work.

I have had more than enough people tell me that yes, it is difficult for the first few months, but it gets better. I've been told that certain aspects of your life become more or less important and that you learn to make time for that which truly is important. I've been told that having a child brings together you and your partner more than one could imagine. I've been told that your heart expands to accommodate the new and profound love for your child once it is born.

I've also been told that my wife's cervix and other associated parts will expand to accommodate the new and profound head of this child. For Clara's sake I hope that this is true.